how to respond to minimal openings on dating apps

Assisted by ChatGPT

I am making an effort on the dating apps, because I don't want to die single. However dating online is oftentimes mildly frustrating.  Case in point... 
To ChatGPT:
Assess her response. Seems a little on the disengaged side? Would someone in wisemind respond? If yes how? Being warm twice doesn't seem worthwhile, and if anything reflecting her energy not wiseminded?

You’re reading this pretty accurately—and you’re also asking the right question (Wise Mind vs. anxiety-driven over-adjusting), which matters more than the specific text you send.

1. Assessing her response (fact, not story)

“Hi Darren thanks” is:

Polite ✔️

Minimal ✔️

Neutral ✔️

Not explicitly disengaged ❌

Not showing enthusiasm ❌


So the facts say: low investment so far, not rejection.

The mind wants to jump to “she’s not interested” or “I need to compensate”. Wise Mind says: data point, not a verdict.

2. What isn’t Wise Mind here

You already named these accurately:

Being warm twice to “pull” engagement → not Wise Mind

Mirroring low energy as a strategy → not Wise Mind (that’s performative detachment)

Over-interpreting one short reply → emotion mind

Trying to manage her interest level → control mind


Wise Mind is self-respect + openness, not persuasion.

3. What Wise Mind would do

Wise Mind asks:

> “What response is aligned with who I am, regardless of whether this goes anywhere?”



That leads to:

One clean, curious follow-up

No apology

No extra warmth padding

No withdrawal

No pressure


You don’t need to match her energy.
You need to offer a door once and see if she walks through it.

4. Examples of Wise-Mind responses (pick one)

These all do the same thing: open space, preserve dignity, stop chasing.

Option A — light curiosity (best default)

> Nice to meet you too. How was your holiday week?



Option B — gently specific (slightly warmer, still grounded)

> Nice to meet you. Did you end up doing anything fun over the holidays?



Option C — values-forward (very Wise Mind, slightly bolder)

> Nice to meet you. What’s something you’ve been enjoying lately?



What these have in common:

One sentence

One question

No emotional over-investment

No subtext of “please like me”


5. The key Wise Mind reframe

> Interest reveals itself through behavior, not decoding.



Your job is not to optimize the message. Your job is to offer presence once, then observe.

If she responds with more substance → green light
If she stays minimal → information, not failure
If she disappears → clarity, not rejection

6. A short grounding principle to carry into dating

> Warmth is an offering, not a negotiation.



And a slightly witty truth:

> You don’t win connection by typing better—you win it by being available without bending.



If you want, next we can:

Draft one message together and lock it in

Do a DBT-style chain analysis of what gets triggered by short replies

Create a “dating Wise Mind checklist” you can reuse when this happens again


Just tell me which direction you want to go.



MY FOLLOW UP RESPONSE.... to ChatGPT ... I chose to say ... Nice to meet you too. How was your holiday week?

That was a very solid Wise Mind choice. Calm, self-respecting, and appropriately open.

Here’s why it works—and why you can now let go.

Why your message is Wise Mind

> “Nice to meet you too. How was your holiday week?”



✔ Balanced – friendly without over-investing
✔ Curious – invites response without pressure
✔ Non-reactive – not compensating for her brevity
✔ Aligned with values – connection, not control

You neither chased nor withdrew. That’s the sweet spot.

What Wise Mind does next

This part is important: Wise Mind now waits.

Not:

checking timestamps

rehearsing follow-ups

planning “just one more nudge”


Waiting here isn’t passivity—it’s self-trust.

How to interpret what comes next (without spiraling)

If she responds with substance
→ Continue naturally. Match content, not tone.

If she responds briefly again
→ One more open question at most, then stop initiating.

If she doesn’t respond
→ That’s not a referendum on your worth. It’s information about availability and interest.

A useful DBT frame:

> I did my part. The outcome belongs to reality, not me.



One regulating thought to keep handy

> I’m not auditioning. I’m showing up.



And a quiet, wise line to anchor you:

> Let interest come toward you; don’t lean forward to meet it.



If you want, I can help you:

decide when to stop initiating without second-guessing

craft a next reply if she responds minimally again

build a one-page Wise Mind dating playbook for moments exactly like this


You handled this one well.


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