Date: AaOct2025

AaOct2025 and I on Coffee Meets Bagel

Nice conversations, we both love chatting about our dogs.  She seems supportive and warm. I hoped to connect on a deeper level by bringing up new/interesting things from IG to our text conversations, didn't work well. She didn't really ask a lot of questions about me or move the conversation forward much.  

On the last topic, I sent her by Tracy McMillan - a woman who talked about how to love yourself.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M   1. two people who are at peace with themselves make a healthy - non-codependent - and wholesome relationship.  2. most people think 'my life will be whole when I find someone to love/be-loved by'.   This is unwise and is at the bottom of McMillan's divorce.  You can love yourself by making vows to yourself,  'Through sickness/health, wealthy/poor, I will be there for myself!' 

The speech title was grabby, but it was an upsetting topic for AaOct2025. In her own words, 


I feel frustrated, and empathy.  I was never in a marriage, but I imagine that a divorce must have been difficult given that she does not have family here in the US and her family refuses to come to the US to visit her.  Although my sharing was well meaning, and I made a few jokes to keep things light, I think it might have been better to mix the ratio a little differently?  10:1 of funny vs serious; rather than 4:1 in this case.  

 Putting myself in her shoes, perhaps she was wanting more surface-level interactions, someone to hike with and just do fun things with, without any expectation of marriage.  I lack a lot of romantic relationship experience.  It feels like I am a recent high school or college graduate without any work experience so I am taking whatever gigs I find and selective about it.  Meanwhile, I am trying to consume a lot of books and other media about romantic relationships but it helps with quarterbacking - not useless, but also, I need to get out of the armchair and actually get in the field. 

Perhaps I am over-thinking it.  I am not putting myself in enough situations to meet single women lately so perhaps this is why such negative emotions come in response.  

 


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